As I was going thru the members list gathering names that are in jeopardy of getting deleted if they don't log in I also gathered names for another racing story. If you aren't familiar with my stories I use the usernames off this message board. Anything that is in (parenthesis) are part of the username that I
don't use. All the usernames that I used are in
"".....
Enjoy and remember this is all in fun
On the road to the entrance of the speedway 3 hours before the gates open "Tiny Tim" says....
"sethlite" up the old "smokehound" because I wanna make some "porkbbq" and some possum "Stew", which I call "doylestownstew" because if I said it was made from possums no one would eat it. "dudleydawson" from "delco signs" made me up some big signs to put up on the "dustyroad" that leads back to the speedway. I start telling "Deek", who is a helper, that I came across a "Warthog" in "arizona" and I got out my "Big Stik" and said..you little "Rascal" you. I had to be like "johnnylightning" because that thing was a "dirtrunnin" down the road, "flingin dirt" and as I was "eatindirtanddust" I thought I'd better "getonit" and "Go fast". I ran a "fast1/2mile" because I wanted to catch him before I ended up in "LAS" Vegas. Finally got him when he knocked himself out by running right smack into the "GuideRail". One for the "gipper" I shouted, then I thought to myself, "heck(45)" "CBS 21 Sports" shoulda sent out a "filmguy" to watch this redneck hillbilly "farmboy(10)" in action. I was like a "flyinfossil". That's why they call me "FAST EDDIE". Sometimes it's not "ec2bme".
"EdC" that little "lighthouse" over by the river? I then started telling him about the big "SeaBass" I caught earlier close to it. I told him I'm not tellin a fishin lie here but I think that thing should have been in a record book somewhere. He says...."STORRIETIME(0)", it's time to "skidoo(440tnt)" I'm outta here. Right now I don't have my filet knife with me so I take it to "The Butcher" shop and went in the "kitchen king" crab legs were laying all over the tables. I didn't know where to put my fish so I handed it to him and said "Skinner" for me please. When he's done he hands me the wrapped fish and I head back to the speedway before the people start coming in so I have my food prepared. I also caught a "Goose" the other day with my bare hands so I'm cooking that too. I really didn't have to do any "grocery(1)" shopping at all this week for meats. I say to my one helper...."tomdice1" of those onions up for me awhile will ya? And set out the "chip" dip. I'm just about ready to hear that "Cheezesizzle" on them there burgers and people are really starting to roll in since it's about time for the gates to open. Already there's a line, geesh "possefan(22)" people must be hungry. I wait on the first few people in line and then say "WhosNext"?
Earlier and at the "Oakland Sprint Fan" household......
As a die hard "sprntlover" I sit here on my back porch sipping a "Mtndew(11)" and waiting for the rest of my "Z Bus House Gang" to arrive in their "rustymustangs" I stare at my "slvrstang(91)" sitting in the driveway thinking to myself that I've always been a "fordman", actually a "mustangfan" all my life. Since I was sixteen I've always had a "mustang1" way or another.
My "3possefans" finally arrive but to my surprise there are two "RamTrux" behind them and one of them is a "Dually" with a "fifthwheel" and a travel trailer behind it. It has no trouble pulling it with that "cumminsspeed". I say to myself....Oh wow, look at the "bigwheels(84)" on that truck. They all park and get out of their vehicles. The two people hauling the travel trailer have on matching shirts. I kinda chuckle to my "racenut" friend who is standing beside me that their shirts say "dodgegirl(4)" and "dodgeboy(43)" like we can't tell the difference who is who. I look at them, point to their matching shirts and say...They are "awesomelawson". I then look at the trucks and I'm not a "Mopar(43)" lover but those are some nice vehicles.
I quickly spin around look at my "motorhead(748)" friend "HotRodBob" and say "okbob" once "motormouthmyers" aka "themouth" gets here we can leave. I look at the wide awake "Valley Boy" who is sitting in the back seat " and say "kylenap" on the way to the track so we don't hear about your "jerseysprintnut" and his "fantasydirtracing". And the kid replies back..."gman(22)" thanks!
My wife "Gayle" pops her head out the door and asks what time we're leaving and which track we're going to. I reply back....We're going to the "GroveGirl". And we're leaving for the "grove15" minutes from now. I got this all planned and "drawn2aT" so everything goes smoothly. She walks out to me and says....gimme a few "swigs(bv)" of yer "Beer Wolf" man, giving him a big evil grin. She mentions to him what time the "poolguy" is coming to fix their pool and he nods and says he might just hop in it when he gets home in a few days. She then turns around and says goodbye to everyone and starts walking back to the house. Her hubby says to her.....Hey "sprint-momma", she keeps on walking raising her one arm in the air like yeah yeah yeah and he says....I'm a "sprint_car_addict" and I'll love "sprintcars-4-life". She turns around and blows him a kiss as she walks in the house.
Everyone piles into the vehicle with the travel trailer. I hollar to my wife who is in the house...honey, we're now "goneracing". The driver who is also a "superlatenut" fan says...we'll get "GasNGo" to the bathroom on Rt "99" which is about "190" miles away. Lots of good music on the radio to pass the time away. One of the guys says man "zepplinrox", his songs have a good beat to them. Before we get to the track I want to stop at the "York County Racing Club". One of the guys asks where that is at and the guy replies "pajamie" There's an "olderacer" that used to be the driver of the "opperman99" "openwheel(93)" "sprinter(56)" that I'd like to see. His nickname is "WoodenWing" and the story of that is he used to be an "outlaw(911)" and he's one "oldtimeracer" from way back. No one knows his real name, everyone calls him "racerx". I think that's where they kinda got the story line from the tv show "speedracer(7)". The other guys look at each other and roll their eyes.
We arrive at the track. The grader is on the track. One of the guys says....I'm not a "graderfan" but it does help the track.
Sitting out in the parking lot tailgating we hear "one voice" over the loud speaker telling the kids to head to the infield for special pre-race activities. A few cars down from where we are parked I see some "racefan(669)" go to grab a potato "sak" laying on the ground close to a sleeping dog to give to the little boy walking past so he can join in on the kids activities. Then I hear a big growl which stops the man from getting it. That's one "rudedog" you got there says the one "possefan" to the "papossefanfrommd". He's about as big as a "moose". The guy says back that his real name is "Swandogg" but they nicknamed him "yogi" because he's more like a "polarbear(119)" when he first wakes up. I yell back...He's also a "tirehumper" and points to the dog and thanks to your "maddog" there is "NoSacRacing" for that young fella right now. Oh what I'd do if I had a "BB" gun right now, turns around and walks off.
Across from where we are parked we see "snydersgirl" writing a note and go over and say hi to her. She's only about 8 or 9 yrs old. She shows us her note and it starts out with "ToJoBecEm", I chuckle and say shouldn't it say To David Beckam? Her face gets red and she grabs the note back and starts erasing the word Jo and replaces it with David. She waves as we walk off and I say to the others....she's "billysangel", a cute little "sprintgirl" and such a "supersport" whose mom is also the "58+85Mom" of the two super sportsman drivers.
We pass by a "RINEFAN2J", we know that because he's wearing one of his tshirts. We see further down a "racenut(64)" who you can tell is a "rahmerfan(51)" because he's got a big banner that says...Go Get Em Fast Freddie!! Haven't come across any "crossrivals" yet, which surprises me. Maybe they are still all gathered at the "cottcamp". I got to thinking that "Back in the Day" when me and "auggie" was out "ChasinRacin" we had some pretty good fun. The "BucktownBullet" was the one to beat at "LANCO" speedway. He would do this "bonzai" move like no one else and get up on the "Highside" of that "cushion". He sure was one "actionracer(1)" and fun to watch.
Todd Gates" open soon so we should go get our tickets and go in and lay blankets down so we have a place to sit come time for the "PaOutlaw" showdown. Sitting down one row from where we decide to put our blankets I notice a "paoldtimer" who is a "phenomracer(7s)". "Pink Panther" is his nickname and he is truly a "mudslinger" when he's driving his "Sprint(76)". I've been a "longtimefan" of his as long as I can remember and he's truly a legend.
Now we're going "Pitside". We see "Pat Cooper" "Todd Zinn" and "Kevin Nouse" talking to "Ted" from the late model division. Then we see "Gene Franckowiak" who owns "JMO Motorsports" walk up to some "DillsburgRacer", whom I have never seem before, say....."Will Eggimann" be driving the "Wolfgang29" "Sideways" on the track or will he keep it straight and on all 4 wheels this time? The guy replies back....No, "RacerRose" will be the pilot of the "beefmobile29" tonight. Well "Will Rose" be the "Driver for awhile" or is this just a one night deal? The guy is getting rather frustrated with all the questions so he counts down to himself...."54321" and turns and heads off to the "zemco1" team.
He hears the "dirtcrewman" say...."ray beard" needs to be shaved next time you come to the track. "Racing(115)" is all about "speed(29)" AND "safety(1)" and we like to have the crew members clean cut, that's our policy.
The guys walk thru the entire pits just making small talk. One of the guys says....My uncle's a "USACFAN" and is always hollering at me "nowingsjeff". Last night I watched "YankeeBaseball" vs the "phightin'phils" who played like the "senators(14)". I'm not a baseball fan he says to his "paracefan" but there was this one "bleacher_creature" that just wouldn't shut up. Then another "bleachercreature" told him to sit down. I thought there was gonna be a fight but it didn't turn into anything. I'm more of a football fan. It's Minnesota "VikesN410s" for me. Although I did meet a Pittsburgh "steeler1" time but when I asked for his autograph he looked at me and said something real "snappy(-3)" so I turned and walked the other way.
"hotlaps" are about ready to start so they head back to their seats. As they are walking up the grandstand steps they hear a little boy say...Is this the "racedaddy"? And the "racindad(88)" looks down and says...No not yet, this is just so they get a feel of how their car is set up and the track conditions.
That little guy truly is gonna be a "racefan4life(25)" as interested in it as he is now.
"Tommy" the flagman throws the "greenflag" for the first heat race of the night for the late models. I think the "ownerlm1e" is sitting down from us because he's yelling for the driver to get them "Wheelzup" in "Turn 4" and to "Spank" the competition. Like he can hear him. The "NINEteam" takes the lead and the win on the last lap but closing pretty "Qwik(83)" was "SATTERLEE22" who has been "Rimriding" every lap so he came in the runnerup spot.. He's been racing for a few years but he's not an "oldracer" and he loves racing on "paclay" and is a pretty good "clayslinger".
The 2nd late model heat is about to take the flag. After the first lap the caution comes out. The driver went "High in the first turn" and came to a stop. The "part-time wrecker" came around and put him on the hook. Once off the track, the race starts back up and goes nonstop the rest of the way.
Meanwhile back in the pits.....
The water truck just went thru and made everything a little "muddy".
An owner and "late model father" says..."travistrain" "the27kid" to "Never Lift" while on the "Outside Groove". If you wanna be a "racerinpa" you gotta learn that "rubbinsracing". Now strap in because you're in the last heat race. Get in that "rocket(1w)" chassis, go out there and be a "speedmonkey" and not a "RamRod" or a "Rammer(7)". I don't care if you are "ridingtherim(99)" or "riding the cushion" just get the job done and bring the car back in one piece.
Here comes the late model that's on the hook and the driver is sitting inside taking off his helmet. Someone from the "Jones Motorsports 12J" team asks what happened as he goes past and the driver yells out the window "camsbad". When they get the car back to it's pit the team notices there is a "BigMark(06)" on the side panel. A few "fenders(27)" got messed up too. Looks like we are always keeping the "fenderbender" in business.
While that is going on.....
The third late model heat is lining up on the track so the announcer is telling the 410 sprints to get ready for their heats which will start right after the third late model heat. The "358drvr" filling in for the regular 410 driver for the "ChickmagnetRacing" team gets in and buckled up.
Back on the track....Last late model heat is underway and that was a "Fastchecker". "Alan Sagi" was the "dominator" of that race leading it from start to finish with no cautions and "Wilson Racing" came in 2nd.
All the three sprint heat goes without a caution as well as all the consi's. All divisions are done qualifying now and the last car of the "streetstock(17)" class heads off the track. The "Shover52" "stocker(5)" got a flat tire so he's trying to make his way to the pits but stops short of the pit entrance. One of the officials notice it and radios to the wrecker and says rather sarcastically since they should have been on top of that but wasn't....that "stocker(1042)" needs a "pushman"!!
Back in the grandstands the guys stand up and stretch their legs before the "Sprintcars(100)" are on the track. I just noticed someone further down that I know and say....Look at those twins "tweez" and "tweedlee" sitting down there, well their older brother is the "Turn4Henchman". One of the guys reply back....they look pretty "toughmack". He replies back....Nah, one is "theprofessor" at a local college and the other is "The Toolmaker" for a nationally known tool & die "(fast)company".
"behindthescene" The officials are talking over "TheGame(983049)" plan. He says......"BrettShowers" are on the way so keep the show moving along as quickly as possible. Everyone is rushing around getting ready for the feature since rain is on it's way. "strawser-videos" is seen cleaning "mudonlense" of his cameras. He had one sitting on a "tripod(16652)" down around "turn 1 1/2" but it fell over. I think "that guy 21" went past so fast that that "speedyracer" was what caused it to tip over. So as soon as he says that to himself he sees "The_21_Chic" signaling to the "pushtruck". The "Premier21" "sprintcar(121)" gets pushed off and is the first out on the track for the feature.
The cars are lined up properly and are ready for the chalk line. As Bruce Ellis says everyweek.....Ladies and Gentlemen it is "showtime" at Williams Grove Speedway.
Five laps are down, skies are looking grim. The "sprinter80r" pulls a "Slider(5)" on the "sprinter86" who is one "slickracer" and all of a sudden that "yellow25" decides it's gonna be "wreckersorcheckers". He's driving like a "speeddemon" out there. Going on the "outside n flyin" then going low like that "Idiot Racing (22)" that "speedy84c" towards the back of the pack. As he's passing each car you can see him raising his finger and giving them the you're #1 sign and you can hear him yelling at the other driver....."passed_ya". This isn't a good sign.
When all the dust clears and settles a little I am in a "claydaze", I got "dirtinmyeyes" and "Dirt n Beer" and I'm just one big ole "Dirtball". The other guy down in front of me turns and says...Yeah I'm "eatndirt" too and we all got "drtnbeer" too . That's alot of "DIRT-MAN" and you are just as "Dirt_T" as I am. Someone yells at them...."Got Dirt"? I say as I throw my beer down....I hate "dirtybeer"!!
I asked what happened and "DirtHawk" turned and said that driver with the "LoudPedal" was running "three wide" and got alot of "mudclods" caked in his wheel and it came off, sending that "dirty race boy" flipping violently right over top of "ddietrich88" and "TheKing(11)" and "theedge(21)" was just "RIDENITOUT" at that point. Man I thought for sure they'd have to call "TheManheimMortician" but luckily the drivers involved were shaken up.
The one guy says...let's go "Scrub" up in the bathroom. They walk down the grandstand steps and towards the bathroom when they spot a "racingmidget" on display in the grass. They really need to clean up so they go do that and on their way back they stop and look at it. As they head back to their seats because the "Chevy410" sprints are getting lined up again so they can finish the feature. "Lance" sets the pace as the cars line up "singlefile" behind him.
The one guy asks who his favorite driver is and he says "Dewease30c". He then asks where he's from and he says "outwestinpa" but originally from the "baltimore" area. We have a "CT Sprint Fan" staying with us. Can you believe he travels from "CTtoPA" every week....unbelievable, now that's a die hard "Dirt Track Fan". He's a "Dirttracker" going from race to race while he's down here. On Saturday nights he stays with "Mr. Port" who evidentially is a "PortFan". And then his "dirtracker" skills start up again on Sunday when him and a "NY Sprint fan" goes to a speedway in Ohio just to watch "shaffer88" who is also known as "MrExcite" ment.
The race starts back up as the leader goes past the cone on the frontstretch and goes nonstop to the finish thankfully because as soon as "checkeredflagchick" threw that black and white checkered flag the rains came and everyone was scrambling to get to their vehicles. We quickly gather our blankets and run out to the camper and stand under the awning. We each grab a beer out of the cooler and sit there watching the rain and talking. I say....Tomorrow I want to "Wax" my "HotRod". I "Stroker" real good and she purrs like a kitten. Someone replies....that's "SuperN8".
"andypa" has some of the best racing in the country. Besides it being "hardcore(1)" "inittowinit" It's also all in "ballsout" and with the "paposse_getting_it_done" and with the "need4spd" you can't get any better. That's why "PA POSSE #!" I tell him. I think it's something like "Posse 19" outlaws 12 or something like that. It's not an "ezstreet" here in PA with so much talent.
One of the other guys says...I have to go "sellracing" shirts down in "south karoline" for "Dave Bolger #18" with "uncle geek" errr I mean "uncle leon". We leave from my home in "langhorne" head out to "knoxville", go all the way to "Memphis" then get on "RT88" and head for the "SS Speedways" "saturdaynightfever" showdown. It's a really long and "harddrive" but we aren't just
some "flybynight(33)" "Drifter(1971)". I sit in this "shantyshacker(88)" as I call it, but it's really a "Vann" and a "lil van" I might add. My uncle's nickname is "FATDADDY" but he's just a "littleman" and that's good because of all the "raceshirts" and "DirtTrackArt" in there and I might even find a "racephoto" or two to sell. Although they get pretty well bent up especially if it starts raining, then I just start tossing things in the back. Then the boss hollars at me because he can't "triple(111)" his profits that way.
As the winner is going thru his victory lane speech once the rain has subsided, we shall take this scene back to the pits.....
Some of the fans make their way back in to the pits once the rain stopped.
The wreckers have taken all the cars to their proper pit stalls. The "sprintwrench(46)" bends down but quickly gets distracted...Don't touch that, it's "hotrodney" says the "fireguy". "G-Man(92)" I was only getting close enough to see it. Another "sprintrench" says...Oh "JOEDARRAH" will ya look at that "baldtireman"!! Not many more laps left on that "BigRightRear". I "IBRACN" all my life and I ain't seen nothing like that before. "Joe" replies back...I "beenthere2" many times and it's not a pretty site when it blisters on ya and blows out on the track. The "fast_crew needs to "jacitup" to get it off but the race is over so they don't have to be fast. They lay it on the ground and the "tireguy(24)" goes to pick it up and says....I gotta "GOSHOW" the "Tire Dude". He knows he's a "hoosierboy" so once he looks at it he says "tirerulesucks".
In the pit area of the car that did all that violent flipping "Jimmy" and a few other crew members from other teams are accessing the damage. "Tailtank" and "Radius Rod" are destroyed, a "Bendnerfbar" and who knows what all else. The "WINGMAN" says...."Deez Nuts" are way too bent to get the top wing off. The owner is noticing that the frame is bent and that "redsraceshop" couldn't even fix it nor "BrownsWelding" so they may as well junk it and get a "brandnew" "sprint(461)" because "Race Car Johnny" wrecked it really good this time.
"asiseeit" we all are a "dirt luvr" in one way or another. We all have the "racebug" and are very "PaProud" of our "Posse(35)". Some of us are a "deweasefan", a "Double D Fan", a "Kauffman Fan", a "Buckwalter Fan", a "U1LAYTONFan", a "rahmer_nation_fan" and so on. Some of us are also a "late model fan" and we sure are "lovinlatemodels" lately, but you might also find a "Mudturtle" fan or two, or just a plain ole "Dirtfan" of all types. Let's face it, we all love "Dirttrackracing". So can't we all just get along? "I am Reality" and it just ain't gonna happen
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Well there was a few paragraphs thru the story that I had to edit to keep PG LMAO......It coulda turned fifty shades