If you aren't familiar with my stories. I use the board's usernames and put them in a story. The username is in "parenthesis" and if there is ( ) around something then that part of the word shouldn't be used. (e.g. you should read this...> I'm getting ready to go watch the "racebug" me all you want, AS ....> I'm getting ready to go watch the race, bug me all you want)....Enjoy and this is all in fun so don't take anything personally.
There aren't really alot of usernames with racing in them anymore so this one was hard to do.
It's "STORRIETIME(0)" so this is all "brandnew" to the "119racing" fans who are "lovinlatemodels" and those that love "sprintcars-4-life" or just love any type of "Dirttrackracing", those who don't mind "eatndirt" or getting "Dirt n Beer" and just absolutely "luvracing". So put on your "happyface" cause we're all "hookedondirt7" to 8 months out of the year.
Almost ready to head out with his friend, who is a "pauchfan(1)" sees "snydersgirl" run out of the "kitchen king" who looks like "old yeller", but more the color of a "reddog", runs past her like a "rocket21" steps ahead of her. He is one "Luckydog" because he knows when the "Weekend Warrior" and his "RacingSidekick" show up that they are gonna be "ChasinRacin" and he has the whole place to himself. He can finally get to chase that "fast cat" and that "catboy21" times around the barn. She says....I wanna go "racin_grammie", can I, can I? O"kdog" has to stay here though cause I'm not gonna be at the races and have to keep picking up "doggie" do and besides whenever he sees a "Sprinter(74)" he becomes a "tirehumper" and then is "justplanecrazy" the rest of the night.
Driving his "slvrstang(91)" "uncle geek" pulls into the parking lot and he gets his chair out of the trunk, sits down and cracks open a can of 'mlight(9)". He notices a "late model father" telling "the(27)kidd" of a "racerinpa"....I'm getting ready to go watch the "racebug" me all you want, there is "NoSacRacing" today so go put your "sac" in the back seat of "the deuce" and take your "uncle leon" with you so he can put his "Big Stik" in there too. I'm not walking around with him carrying that thing because all he does is purposely trip people and he has to "GOSHOW" some "flybynight(33)" "wannabe(83)" "racer33" times now this month where the "rahmer_nation_fan" always sits with his "CrazyCatlady5" years younger than him. I don't see what she sees in him because he's an "amishdonkey" if you know what I mean.
Some guys pull up and park beside him and start talking....We are "3possefans" who are "PaProud". I'm a "Fan of the Man" from Mifflintown, a true "Kauffman Fan", he points to the guy standing beside him and says....he's a "Hodnett&Deweasefan" and then he points towards the last guy and says...this guy, who looks like "George Costanza", is "thenascarnut" and is "Alwaysasmokefan". He was going to stay home and watch the "BLittle500" today but he is such a "longtimefan" and a "sprint_car_addict" that he just couldn't stay away. The guy says back to them....I'm just an all out "possefan" and when they have the "PaOutlaw" races this place gets packed especially the "springrace".
The 3 men gather their racing gear and head towards the ticket booth. When they get close they all stop in their tracks. One of them says...."Todd Gates" open at what time? One of them says....Well I thought "BillnSC" told me at 4 but they are not open yet and the sign says 5. The third guy says....well let's head back to the truck and sit there and have a few beers and watch people come in. So they head back to their truck.
One of the guys gets in his backpack and pulls out this bag of nuts. He said....My wife went to the "grocery(1)" store this morning to get "Deez Nuts" and you put them in the "microwave" for a few minutes and when you eat them they are supposed to taste just like "porkbbq". The other two guys look at each other, making weird facial expressions. One of the guys asked him how many "swigs(bv)" of the bottle he had so far today. He laughs and says....Well I haven't tasted them yet and puts a handful in his mouth. He bites down a few times and then stops chewing and is looking at the other two guys, who think he is a bit wacky, he then turns around and spits them out onto the ground. The other guys are busting a gut laughing at him. They asked him how they tasted and once the guy is done gagging he says they tasted like "The Butcher" rolled "Sea Bass" guts all over them and then used a whole box of "shakeandbake" to cover up the bad taste. He dumped the rest of the bag onto the ground and said.....Well I hope "Rabbitt", "WOODCHUCK" and "fox" like em cause they aren't ever going in my mouth.
As they are getting over that excitement they see a "fastflyinaccord" coming down the "dustyroad" and a "chopper24" feet behind him "eatindustanddirt". One of the guys along the road yells at him as he goes by..."FAST EDDIE", you "gotdirtinmyeyes", you're always a "dirty race boy" and you always make alot of dust and "dirtrunnin" up and down that road, who do you think you are..."Dale Jr"? The "dirttrackin" driver yells out the window at them....."Got Dirt"? "Gene Franckowiak" turns and says to "Dave Ely".....gee "Will Eggimann" ever kick him out of here? He replies back....I doubt it cause he's the "Bossman" and his favorite "sportsmanrcer" is his daughter's husband whose cousin is the "ownerlm1e" and his son is the "358drvr" "RyanWilson(29)". "The_21_Chic" walks up and says...."EdC" how much trouble he is? You don't have to be "theprofessor" on Gilligan's Island to figure that one out and she turns and walks away.
The guys are still sitting by their car watching the teams and haulers coming in. "AG Motorsports" just pulled up and the "latemodel1s" hauler is right behind him. The guy that spit the nuts out is really chugging down his beer by now and the other two guys can't help but crack up every now and then. How could he ever think a nut would taste like bbq............H-E-L-LO!!! duhhhhhh. Next his wife will be making some "JamNut" jelly and telling him it tastes just like "Stew".
By now the guy still has that stupid nut taste in his mouth and beer isn't taking it away but he's starting to feel pretty good by now. He says...........ha, I am "Mrhappy1" now, so hoosierdaddy now? My "Vann" can beat your "lil van" anyday. Is it time to go in yet? Did you know some teams race "Sprintcars100" or more times a year? "99" times out of 10 "Capt. Kirk" beamed up Scottie. What you talkin bout "Willis"? I'm not standing in turn 1 or "Turn 4" I'm gonna stand in "turn 1 1/2". I'm gonna give my wife a "spanky(17b)" when I get home for getting me those nuts. I stole "TheGame(983049)" "basketball1" time a few years ago. The "coach" was very angry at me. HELLO!...."I am Reality". By now the gates are finally open so they get ready and head up to the ticket booth.
Inside the gates the one guy says....I'm gonna be a "bleacher_creature" for a bit and then get something to eat. So once their blankets are put down at their seats the other two guys want to walk around. At the end of the bleachers they stop at "andys_graphix_n_diecasts" and look around. They "sellracing" items and "raceshirts" that are very hard to find. The guy that had too many beers to get rid of the nut taste in his mouth picks up something, holds them up so his friend in the bleachers can see and hear him, he yells....."Jimmydiesel" fit her won't they? His friend, who is standing right beside him, hadn't noticed alot of people laughing and that his friend picked up a pair of racing thongs. He quickly grabbed them from him and put them back on the table and they "skidoo(440tnt)" outta there as quickly as possible.
He says to him....I think you better get something to eat so they head to the food stand. They both get a "mtndew(11)" and a "BLT (777)" sandwich, eat and drink that on the way to the pits. A "PortFan" walks by and they heard someone from about 10 ft away say to him....Hey "Mr. Port" doesn't open for another 2 weeks yet.
"brysonmotorsports", "Coldren Motorsports" and "Bittinger Racing" all pull into the pits and start unloading. Shortly thereafter "sprintcar1w" pulls in the pits.
We stop and talk to some friends we haven't seen in a long time. So we're standing in the pits and some "Sprintgirl" comes up and asks..."Will Rose" be driving a "streetstock(17)"? Me and another friend "jerseysprintnut" look at each other and bust up, I say to her.....you don't know your "dirtlady". How can you be a "dirt luvr" and not know that he will be the "littleman" piloting the "sprinter32" or that "speedy84c". I wanna be a "sprintrench" for him but I am always at "knoxville" almost every weekend. I am the "Halfmilehustler" out there on them "Hoosier Highbanks" sooooo "hoosierboy"?
They stop at the "Jones Motorsports 12J" hauler and watch them getting the car ready. They hear "Deek" talking to a "dirtcrewman" and saying....I went to "redsraceshop" last week and he had no tires for sale. "IBRACN" if I can find me some tires. I "c4" "rightrear" tires laying over there that look "brandnew". The "Dirt Track Fan" walks closer and says....no that's a "baldtireman"...as he points to the one on the bottom of the pile....and continues saying....the "tireguy(24)" couldn't even fix that "Tire Dude". The other guy says....We got some "BigRightRear" tires from "JF TIRE" just this week and we have them laying by "our(19)" race hauler. The guy replies back....I got "1frame4wheels" left and "asiseeit" we have a "50_50" chance of just sitting in the stands and being just a "race fan" for the remainder of the racing season.
Kyle, who has been a "Driver for a while" at the fabulous "lincoln(84)" speedway, is sitting there dozing off while the "Winged Warrior" is trying to fix the "bentwingbird" man stepped on. Yeah, "Jaybird" our one crew member, was trying to not trip over our "maddog" "odie" when he stepped on the wing instead, bending it up badly. It had a nice "Wax" job on it too. "wingman(17e)" is helping and has the "WingNut" ready to hand to the "WINGMAN", while repeating over and over....this is a "left hand thread" so Righty Tighty" "lefty" loosey. He hands the "wingnut2j" who has been a "dirtfan13" years now. He turns around and says..."kylenap" in the back seat of my "taurus(014)" before you "Gottarace(7z)" but he is in a deep sleep and didn't even hear him.
Lots of action going on in the pits now as teams are just about ready and they'll be going out for engine heat soon. One guy sees them trying to straighten out that wing so one of them tells him.....Take it to "Drdirttracker" he can repair it, he's the track's "maintenanceman" and he's "fastcompany" comes out of the "baltimore" area down around "RT88". Another guy walks over and says...."bobrepair(34)" the "TorqueTube" on the "Zemco1" "sprint(17b)". So "HotRodBob" walks in the trailer and picks up the "Bentnerfbar" laying on the floor from the "crash(17)" another driver was in last week during "hotlaps" that needs repaired too. So they both walk down to the "vintagegarage" walk in and say hi to the guys in there. One of the guys calls him Bo instead of Bob and he walks over to a machine and says..Hey "bowbender" over here on this machine, if that doesn't fix it then you'll have to take it to "BrownsWelding". Bob fixes it and says to the guys....I guess this is my "Lucky(13)" day. The guy with the banged up wing wasn't so lucky. They say bye and thanks for the use of their equipment. "okbob" catch ya later.
As they are walking back they see a "Double D Fan" is in the pits talking to an "Esh Fan" saying he's a "late model fan" and loves those "fenders(27)". Ya gotta love "eckert", "SATTERLEE22" and the "limited81" driver, doh I can't think of his name and laughs. As they are walking in the pits they see alot of the "sprint(56)" drivers getting suited up. They stop by and chat with "Kevin Nouse" who is pulling up his fire suit "zipper(14)". They tell him good luck and then move on so he can get strapped in his "winged(31)" "sprinter(56)".
They are getting ready to head back to the grandstand and hear a "sprint car fan" say.....Hey "ChickmagnetRacing" starts soon, he gives him the thumbs up and keeps walking. "racenjason" is ready and waiting to be pushed off for engine heat as is the "Bucktown Bullet". The one guy says...we better hurry up and get outta here before we become a "speedbump". They both pick up the pace and get out of the pit area and head back to their seats.
Two guys who are sitting 2 rows in front of them start talking about their trip in getting to the race track. One guy says...I came all the way from "CTtoPA" driving my "Dually" "fifthwheel". I'm a "dodgeboy(43)" and all I drive are "RamTrux", they are all a product of the "chrysleralmighty". I'm a "trucker" by trade and there's nothing better than "cumminsspeed" when I'm going up them mountains "outwestinpa". Ohhhh, there is a "mountainman" out there that looks like a "Warthog". I met him at the "GasNGo" down in "Memphis" at the "Flying Tiger" one year and I always stop and see him when I'm in his area. He has a beautiful "Swandogg" named "Tig(88)", a "Goose Ruth" is his wife's name, and he even has a "Cobra" but that's in a secured area since the "venom(40) can kill ya, I think. He shot a 12 point "buck(4616)" up in "JuniataCounty" this past hunting season. His son "mikehunting1" one mean "polarbear(119)" up in Alaska right now. He's been an "Old Timer4" many years and is a "farmboy10" years now, but he's having a hard time trackin it down, ole "yogi" isn't friendly at all and acts like a "Grizzley(71n).
The other guys replies back and says....I drive an "SS03" "nova71" thousand miles on it. The "camsbad" in it so ya gotta "Stroker" just right and then she purrs like a kitten. I wanna go see a "Mudturtle" "race" soon. I'm a "DeckerFan91" % of the time. He's a "phenomracer(7s)" and he also drives "prodirtcar32" days out of the year. He's an "oldtimeracer" that loves "speed(29)" but he's never driven a "Sprint(18)".
To the right of where they are sitting they hear two fans talking......What's that "Oakland Sprint Fan" "Valley Boy" up to now-a-days? The "DillsburgRacer" replies back....He's up in "MechanicsburgRacing" at the "grove(15)" every weekend at the "fast1/2mile". He stays at the "Marriott" and works at "stevestruckrepair" and works on trucks, cause ya gotta keep them "bigwheels(84)" a rollin.
The cars for the first late model heat are lined up and ready for the first "greenflag" of the evening.
"behindthescene" "Stat Man" is keeping track of every lap. And there's this guy that is always sneaking around the pits acting like he's some kind of "Codeman(1707)" working on a "case(9c)". He has sort of a "dutch" accent but he's "Just1h"ell of a nice guy. Turns out he's just a "dirtracker" like the rest of us. I actually call him my "Dirt Brother (50K)".
Uh oh, "bigbrad357" hears a couple drivers exchanging words. The one says...I "DoWork99" % of the time on the car by myself and I also am the driver. And yeah, I do live in that "shackhauler" sits out front so I don't have to go too far to work on the race car when I want. I'm "2fast4u" anyway so tell your "FATDADDY" to "Shover(52)" where the sun don't shine. "duddleydawson" steps in and breaks it up before anything more can be said by either on of those drivers.
So by now the remaining late model heats are finished without a caution. The sprints are being pushed off for their first heat of the night. While that is going on.....
There's a new young gun in the pits and his "sprintwrench(46)" is filling him in on some tips since he never drove anything before. He is telling him.....if you see the lights turn "redfred" stop the car immediately, you do know that much don't you? Some of these guys are "Cushion Krazy" but do not "Pinn" anyone up there, do not go "three wide", you cannot take off until a "pushtruck" pushes you off so don't be sitting there yelling I need a "pushman". "that guy 21" ahhhh Montieth aka "theedge(21)", well he's a "speedyracer" who is always on the "Outside Groove" and has a "need4spd" so when you see him on the "outside n flyin" he will "NeverLift". It's not "EZ(49)" out there just don't be some "Idiot Racing 22" miles per hr or you will get run over. You might be eating alot of "DIRT-MAN" but there's not a "dirtguy(67)" or dirtgirl(11)" who doesn't "eatclay(8)" here and they all drink "dirtybeer". They are gonna "Spank" you out there and they are gonna make it a "harddrive" for you and pull a "Slider(5)" on you every now and then but don't get nervous, don't get "Sideways", don't hit anyone's "tailtank". And don't worry about the "GForse" because you won't be going fast enough. Just go out there and do some "Rimriding" around.. You don't have to worry about being a "traction master" either when "ridintherim(99)". He gives him the thumbs up and hopes for a "Fastchecker".
The one new crew member comes back with the "sprintdrum" on the golf cart. He gets off the golf cart and says to the crew chief....I didn't know what to get for the fuel so I picked the "Nitro(48)" over the "blazeoctane(03)". It's "fullup" to the rim. The crew chief tells him....."G-man(92)", don't you know anything? We only use methanol for fuel in these beasts. This is a good example of a "paposse_410" "openwheel(28)" "Sprintcar(3)" team that should "stick(07pa)" to just being a "racefan4life(25)".
Back in the grandstands alot is going on since there are a few cautions in the 2nd sprint heat....
"motormouthmyers" yells.....Let's go "Racingmon", we got "saturdaynightfever". Someone turns around and looks and says to the "Buckwalter Fan" sitting beside him....he has "themouth" like a "dragon", it's all hot air. A "racefan(28+66)" says to the "NH Sprint Car Fan" sitting beside him....your driver is a sand "bagger" and he yells at the driver as he passes in front of them on the track...hey "buster" ya gotta get your "ballsout", this isn't "fantasydirtracing" ya know so can ya "gofaster" and be "inittowinit"? You'll never be "speedracer(5)" if ya don't get them "wheelzup" and "Drive em" like ya stole em. Ya gotta be a "dominator" and sometimes it's gotta be "wreckersorcheckers" if ya wanna win some races. A "freddyfan" sitting 3 rows back goes...."SHH(41H)" and yells to the loudmouth.....Hey Mr "magoo(117)", sit down and shut up. Another "paracefan" manages to "Flip(119)" him the finger. "DuncannonDirtFan" tells some "First State Fans" that he is such a "jackwagon". What a "buzzkill".
Uh oh, some action is going on the track now. Looks like someone isn't very happy. The "Racer Rose" his helmet and was shaking it at another "racecar(44)" in anger, almost throwing it at the driver, who is sitting in the car on the back of the towtruck. Looks like "racinrob" who loves the "speed/driven" by the "power" of a "410fuelinjected" "Sprint (76)" wasn't too happy.
In comes "part-time wrecker" and "Wreckergirl" towing the mangled car on the back of the tow truck. They take it to the new teams pit area. The driver gets out and says.....Next time I'm "goneracing" I will be a "bleachercreature", it looks like "ezstreet" from the stands but when you are behind the wheel it's a totally different story. Just look at all that mangled "Metal Man(12)". Oh, and "Mr.Highside" passed me from the "cushion" several times. He sure is one "slickracer" He does love that "Highside" and when he went "High in the first turn" his tires would throw big "mudclods" right at me. I think that's why I wrecked. Sorry the "chassis" is all bent, it's just everytime I tried to go in the corner the car would "Slideways(30c)" up the track and I was worried about my "safety1" time when it did that.
Once they cleaned my mess up on the track, they were pushed off but going real slow in "singlefile" around the track. The tow truck was going faster trying to get me off the track and when we went past that "Edge410" sprintguy" I hollared....ha finally "passed_ya". My "sprint-momma" is gonna have to really "scrub" hard to get my suit good and clean because I got it good and "Dirt_T". I think I'll become a "bowler4life(223)" after all this.
By now the last heat for the sprints is over and it is now intermission......
A "papossefanfrommd" came up to a "NJSprintFan" and said...Where's the "mdkegball" game being played? He replies back....."Brett Showers" rolled into the area earlier today as well as "thunder(91166)", the guy interrupts and asks...."winged_thunder"?...the other guy laughs and says no real thunder. He then says....yeah "johnnylightning" followed us all the way here. I'm a "mudracer(45)" so I am always "muddy" but I don't care. They told me it was by the "lighthouse" but I just don't see it. First game "MDposse" vs "poconnoposse" and the winner of that game plays "PA POSSE #1" in the ranks as of yesterday but we are gonna take that away from them on their own "paclay". Talk to you later I gotta go find "VA Mudslinger".
Some guys behind us got to talking back and forth and were saying...."Back in the Day" it was "camoNchrome", if you didn't have that on your car if you were a "Motorhead" in "pajamie" then you were driving those old "rustymustangs". We would meet at the "York County Racing Club". On our way to "langhorne" speedway we'd fill her up with "Gasface25" "ragincajun" "crossrivals", drag race side by side and oh that "racecourseman" was awesome. There was this "checkeredflagchick" that did the countdown "54321", waved that flag and off we'd go. We'd be just "RIDENITOUT" close along the "GuideRail" so we could see our way to the end. Then "speedtv" got wind of it and had "strawser-videos" there to take a "racephoto" or two and make a "C-D". I was a "renegad(09)" back in the day but now that I'm "getting older" I'm tamed down alot. I'd rather much be a "dirtchaser" than the "speeddemon" I was.
As the officials are saying the feature line up I hear a "JoeyHersheyFan" who is sitting behind me say to another "racefan(669)"...."heck(45)" I'm going back in the pits before the feature starts. I wanna see what for "shocksetup" and "stagger(94)" some of the teams are using. Gotta have "lotsastagger" for this "dry and slick" track. So he walks down and goes in the pits. He sees his one friend who is a huge "USACFAN" and he says to him............still "nowingsjeff" on your "racingmidget"? His friend replies back......Nope so you will never see any "vaportrails" when you watch me race.
Oh no, the cars are on the track lining up for the feature and one of the officials in the pits just remembered something so "Dave Argabright" says over his walkie talkie....."tomdice(1)" are up in the "williams grove office", can you run up and get them for me before the feature starts? He replies back....no I can't I have to set up the "tripod(16652)" for "CBS 21 Sports". Their "filmguy" always gets "mudonlense" of their camera if they just have it sitting on the ground by the flagstand. He turns and says...."Ryandice" are up in the office can you get them for me? He yells back, sure.
Cars are going around turn 1 for this 25 lap feature. They are going down the backstretch and you hear those famous words that Bruce Ellis says at the start of every feature.............ladies and gentlemen it is "showtime" at Williams Grove Speedway............written by "sprntlover"